Held
by Lynnlee22
Summary: Summer's plan to win back Kyle ends badly. Philly centric 2 maybe 3 parts
1. Chapter 1

"I hated to call in the middle of the night like this." The moonlight filtered in through the windshield as he slumped down into the passenger seat. He'd never noticed the deep lines in his brother's face. He suddenly older to him, more frail, more human.

"It's no problem, Jack. I'm glad you called. I would have been upset if you hadn't. The family needs to be there. Did Kyle give you any more information?"

Jack shook his head as he backed out of the driveway. He could still hear Kyle's voice echoing in his head. It had been years since he'd sounded so helpless, since he'd called him as a son would call his his father - like he needed him. "No," he said quietly, "he just said there had been some kind of problem with the surgery and ..." Jack let the breath leave his lungs slowly. "I really didn't want to ask too many questions."

"Right. No. No. Of course not. I'm sure he's upset. He thought the transplant was the answer. I mean, finding the donor was supposed to be the hard part. I'm sure he thought that it was all up from here."

"Yeah," Jack said sadly, "I guess we all did. He's going to need a lot of support right now and I know you have your hands full. I just felt like tonight, it was important that we all be ..."

"I'm always gonna be here for my family, Jack. Yeah, the situation with Vic has made things more complicated with Johnny and Katie, but whatever Kyle needs, we'll work it out. It's not easy to lose someone. Nobody should have to go through that alone."

* * *

His hand wrapped around hers tightly. In his head, he knew she was gone, but somehow, in his heart he wondered if he could hold on tight enough to bring her back.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. He could think of nothing else to say and so he kept repeating the phrase over and over until the emotion chocked his voice out. The sight of her so still and quiet was wrong on every level. This was a woman he'd laughed with, fought with, screamed with and now ... he just sat here, willing it to be a dream, a most horrific of nightmares from which he would soon wake up.

And yet, even as he entertained the thought, he knew it wasn't. He knew this was reality - a reality he'd set into motion, a reality he was responsible for, a reality that, he was ashamed to say, in a way gave him what he wanted.

But it didn't feel right now. It didn't feel good. It just felt empty.

He cringed as he heard the voice echoing through the halls. Primal. Desperate. He lowered his head and slowly stood, finally releasing her hand and stepping back. "I'm so sorry, Summer," he whispered again before turning and walking from the room.

* * *

"Summer Newman!" She screamed the name frantically and slammed her hands down on the nurse's station desk. "What the hell is the matter with you people?! Someone called me and told me to come down here, told me my daughter was here and that I needed to get here as quickly as ..."

"Phyllis." He watched her turn, the anger and rage that had, until seconds earlier been keeping her together, fading as she looked into his face.

"Kyle?" Her voice cracked as she said his name. He could see it all over her face, the fear, the denial, the pain - every emotion vying for control. "Where's Summer?"

He looked around the room, searching for Nick or Jack, both of whom he knew had been contacted, but they were absent. It was just the two of them in the worst moment of both of their lives. "Why don't we sit down?" He reached for her arm gently to lead her over towards the chairs.

She reeled back, almost as if she'd been wounded. "I don't want to sit down. I want to see my daughter," she hissed. "I want to see her and I want to give her hell for scaring me like this. It's one thing to pull a few silly stunts, but this is serious stuff and she's taking years off my life you know? Years." She laughed, almost maniacally, her hands trembling uncontrollably. "So just tell me, Kyle, where is she? Where's Summer?"

He didn't have to answer.

* * *

"No! You're wrong!" Nick's voice bellowed through the corridor as a nurse hurriedly followed behind him.

"Mr. Newman, I'm so sorry. I'll get the doctor if you'll just..."

"I don't need to talk to the damn doctor because you're wrong. This is a mistake. I'm going to sue this hospital. You can't even keep decent records around here. My daughter is fine. She's young. She's healthy. She's not ... " His voice trailed off as his eyes fell on them.

"K-Kyle," he managed. "Summer, she's, she's okay, right? Summer's okay?"

His mind seemed to stall, every word he'd ever known suddenly disappearing into an oblivion he couldn't even comprehend so he said the only thing he could think of to say, the only words that had made any sense for the last three hours.

"I'm so sorry."


	2. Chapter 2

She felt hands on her, felt herself being lowered into the chair, but everything else seemed to fade. The words - those same damn words kept surrounding her. _I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. _

Something snapped and she lunged at him, her hands clawing at his face, desperate to stop the sound. "I don't want to hear that!" She didn't recognize the scream. It wasn't anger. It wasn't even her. It was empty, raw agony. "What the hell does that do for me? For her?"

Hands were on her again, less gently this time. Arms wrapped around her body as she continued to thrash. "What did you do to my little girl, Kyle? What the hell did you do?"

Kyle shook his head at the orderly who offered him a hand as he attempted to stand. He watched silently as a nurse helped Nick usher a still screaming Phyllis into a small, private waiting area.

"I need to ..." There was a vague awareness that she was out of control, but she couldn't entertain the idea. Letting the thought settle, allowing the reality to take residence in her mind and soul would surely kill her. This way at least she could survive. She could exist. She could scream, and rage, and cry until she was too exhausted to think about anything - until maybe she would wake up to find none of this was true.

"Phyllis...Phyllis ... Please." Nick's voice was filled with desperation as he wrapped his arms tighter around her and slid down the wall onto the carpeted floor. He felt her body rock back and forth, her screams taking the place of the sobs he knew would soon come.

"Kyle," she bellowed, "You get in here. I will make you ... I will ..." She gasped for breath.

The sound of the door opened slowly and the nurse entered the room, her hand wrapped around the syringe.

"No," Nick eyed her angrily. "Just wait. Wait a minute. Give us a minute."

Quick glances were exchanged before they left the room though he could see through the glass enclosure that they still watched them closely. His own pain and grief fought desperately to show themselves, but he forced the feelings back. This was a well honed practice, a skill he'd sadly had to learn before. "Phyllis," he said again, feeling the strength that had been in her fight and restraint beginning to lessen. "I need you to listen to me, okay?"

Mere minutes ago he could not have imagined anything that would have brought him to this place, to a moment he would feel such genuine compassion and care for her. Mere minutes ago he could have never imagined he would bury another daughter.

"Nick."

It was the first word she'd spoken that hadn't been dripping in rage. This was a mere whisper - frail, hopeless, shaky. "Nick," she repeated, "She's not ..." She looked into his eyes, realizing suddenly that Summers were the same. "Please tell me she's not ..."

"I wish I could," he whispered. "I ..."

He felt her break, heard the anger shift, saw the rage that so often was her veil fall away from her. Words were empty. Tears would fade, but that pain, the gut wrenching pain would never ever end. A part of him had wanted her to pay for what she'd done to his sister, to his mother, and to Sharon, but never like this. No one deserved to live in a hell like this.

* * *

"Busy night," Jack said soberly as he followed Billy through the busy waiting area and scanned the room for Kyle.

"I guess so," Billy shrugged. He turned his head towards the small glassed in area in the corner, , his eyes immediately drawn there as if by some unseen force. He huffed at Jack. "Guess Nick forgives and forgets pretty quick huh? Wonder what that's about?"

Jack glanced over at Nick who now stood with his arm around Phyllis as they spoke to a young nurse. "I don't know," he admitted, "but I need to find Kyle and ..."

"Kyle?" Jack couldn't hide the surprised look on his face when his son nearly rushed into his arms. "I got here as quickly as I could. You sounded pretty serious on the phone." He pulled back, his hands firmly clasping his son's firm shoulders. "What happened?"

"Hey," he squeezed his shoulders a bit tighter under his hands. "You're scaring me here, son. Is Lola alright?"

Kyle struggled, the words he needed to use feeling foreign and wrong. Of all the words he could ever use to describe Summer, dead should never ever be one of them.

"It's not Lola," he finally managed.

"Not Lola?" Billy's voice was confused. Certainly his attention was divided at the moment, but surely he knew who the major players were. "I thought the transplant surgery was today."

"It is. It was. The transplant was fine. Lola got the liver. She's good. It's good. It's just ..." He trailed off ... "The donor ..."

_Donor. What a horrible, impersonal, wretched thing to say. It should have been him. He should have been the one to go. _

"The donor had complications?" Jack watched the struggle. "If they need additional treatment and it's a money issue then..."

Kyle shook his head. "Money can't fix this, Dad."

Jack stilled. He almost never called him that. It made him sound so young, so vulnerable.

"I really messed up and I don't think anyone will ever forgive me. I wouldn't. I won't."

"Kyle," Jack stepped in closer to him, his mind filling with horrific scenarios of black market organ sales and the like. "What did you do?"

"She's dead. I killed her."

Jack quickly looked around the room, hopeful no one had overhead the words. He gestured to the chairs closest to them and waited until the three of them were seated close together before beginning to speak. "Don't be ridiculous, son. You didn't kill anyone." He said the words with conviction as his eyes held steady with those of his son. "Right? Just tell me what happened."

"I made it happen. She never would have done this if it wasn't for me. She never would have gone through with it. She thought if she did this that it would prove how much she loved me, how much she was willing to sacrifice for me and I was so damn selfish that Zi let her do it and now ..."

"Now my daughter is dead."

Her voice was no longer trembling as she stood behind him. "And you were right the first time, Kyle Abbott. You killed my daughter and I'm going to make damn sure you spend the rest of your miserable life paying for it."


End file.
